


The Riddle of A Date

by Oritheduck



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 04:29:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oritheduck/pseuds/Oritheduck
Summary: (Modern) AU where Riku didn't get the strength to protect what matters.





	The Riddle of A Date

**Author's Note:**

> Short and a little angsty! I hope you enjoy it!

The door slammed shut, the rattling of keys and heavy footsteps quickly ensuing into the small apartment that was their home.

Roxas watched as Riku worked on the door to lock it before walking right past him, making sure to put enough distance between them to avoid him completely which only added more to Roxas’s frustration. 

It wasn’t the first time it happened. It wasn’t their first argument. It wasn’t the first time they yelled at each other at the mall because Roxas wanted to go to a store and window-shop. It wasn’t the first time people looked at them. It wasn’t the first time Riku embarrassed him and told him that spending time there was pointless, that he didn’t have enough money to buy anything anyway, that he never did. It wasn’t the first time Riku grabbed his wrist and dragged him back home regardless of how tight and painful his grip was, of how upset Roxas was to be unable to have a normal date.

It wasn’t the first time Roxas had to watch Riku run away and ignore him until he was calm again. It had been going on for at least 3 years now. But this time, he had enough.  
In a swift action, Roxas made Riku stop in his tracks by snatching his wrist, just an imitation of what he did to him all the time. The gesture used to be so gentle… But lately, it had been ruined by anger and desperation, or whatever was running through Riku’s mind and made him act like a mad man.

“I’m so angry with you, Riku,” Roxas grumbled through gritted teeth, the shame of having strangers judge them because Riku didn’t know how to behave still wearing on him. He could feel Riku’s hesitation to look at him and talk, but he could also tell that he wouldn’t leave this time, so he released his arm, watching it drop back to his side. What a disturbing contrast with the Riku he had had to face in public. Alone, he seemed much more vulnerable, much more drained, like he could break if Roxas was too brusque.  
“Why?” came the question after a long minute of complete silence.

Roxas blinked, taken aback for a short second before his expression twisted with dander. Riku had to be joking. ‘Why’? ‘Why’!? After everything that had happened, he dared to ask why!

“Because you never fucking let me do anything! We’re constantly trapped in here and the rare times we go out, it’s either we don’t do shit or you act like it’s the end of the world!” he shouted, spitting out everything that had been on his mind for months. The words tasted bitter on his tongue. He hated it, hated how voicing his thoughts did nothing to soothe him like he believed it would, and only made his rage grow more and more.

And Riku didn’t say anything, only stared at the floor with a frown that Roxas knew too well. Yet again, he would avoid the conflict. The real conflict. His silence was too much to bear. Roxas wanted to shake him, to make him react, to get something out of him. Anything but this numbness he had to endure constantly.

“Why do you do this, Riku?” he tried again, his tone filled with rage and desperation. “Why do you refuse to go on dates? Why do you yell at me every time we go somewhere? I’m so tired of sitting my ass on the couch every day, of wasting all the moments we could spend together having fun outside by doing nothing here instead! I-I miss how we were… So why!? Why are you like this to me!? What am I doing wrong!?”

Still no answer. Riku didn’t even flinch no matter how loud Roxas could be. The blonde man was panting now, barely paying attention to the tears that blurred his vision and rolled down his cheeks. For months, he had been wondering. He had tried so many times, so many different things to make Riku smile as he used to at the beginning of their relationship. He had tried and tried and tried so hard only to receive harsh remarks and rough movements. The gap between them was widening dangerously. And he feared that void, feared to lose him. And yet...

“Is breaking up what you want?” he asked reluctantly, voice hoarse from screaming. A pause. Riku’s head sank lower into his shoulders, bangs covering his eyes.

“Riku, say something. Answer me.” He took a step closer, searching for his gaze in vain. He sniffled, his throat tight, making each word he uttered tremble. “I-I can see you’re not happy with me a-and I tried but it’s not working. So, please… Give me an answer.”

Watching Riku intently through his tears, he saw his mouth open and close a few times as though he was searching for what to say. Eventually, he spoke.

“I’m sorry. That’s not what I… I want us to be together but I… It’s...”

Roxas kept on staring, apprehensive. It was all he could do. 

Then, suddenly, Riku looked up, the green of his eyes much more vivid than usual as it glistened with wetness and thick tears, similar to the ones that were already drying on Roxas’s cheeks yet different at the same time. He wore an expression that he had never seen before, displaying a great sadness he seemed to have accumulated for a long time. Riku never cried, not in front of Roxas at least. It was shocking.

“I’m scared, okay! I’m scared!” he yelled, exploding and leaving Roxas confused until he continued. “Each time you walk through that fucking door, it scares me! When you forget to reply to my texts, when you don’t answer my calls for whatever god damn reason you give me, when we sit here in the evening after work and I can’t stop thinking about the next day and how you’ll have to be outside alone… Anything could happen to you and I’m terrified of that! But then, you plan our dates in the hope that we’ll have good times and I wish I could enjoy them but I can’t. Even if we’re together, it scares me because I know that if anything were to happen right at that moment, I couldn’t protect you. I don’t mean to hurt you and knowing that I do, it… It kills me inside. But I don’t want...I...I can’t lose anyone else.”

Riku’s words and sobs resonated in Roxas’s ears painfully, and they made more sense to him than he had imagined. He remembered now how one night they had been staying up late and Riku had been more honest and unusually talkative. He remembered him mentioning a best friend he had lost by his own fault and how, if a higher force ever allowed him to, he would go back in time, be stronger and fix his mistakes to save Sora. It had been gnawing him from the inside although he had sworn he was over it. There had been sorrow in his eyes, a darkness that Roxas hadn’t understood back then but knew that he wouldn’t ever be able to forget, and he realized now that it was the same look he was showing. Grief, guilt and endless mourning.

Roxas wished he had realized sooner how bad this situation was for Riku. If he had understood, if he had helped, then maybe… But Riku always played the confident card. He appeared strong and sometimes heartless but after being with him for so long, Roxas had learned that it was all just a facade.

Now, he was the quiet one as Riku attempted to hold back his tears and make no sound, struggling to keep the mask on for as long as he could manage until he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned and walked away to their bedroom, his fist hitting the wall to his side noisily on the way. Roxas jumped at the sound that snapped him out of his train of thought. Automatically, his feet dragged him to follow the silver-haired man.

Muffled and strangled whimpers escaped Riku’s throat and he stood up there with his back facing Roxas and his face hidden in his hands, shoulders shaking badly. The sight of a broken man that Roxas had hoped to never see.

What could he say now? What could comfort Riku?

Instead of offering words, he came closer and wrapped his arms around his waist loosely, a simple and tender hug to let Riku know he had someone with him. Actions were better than anything else. Roxas had never been so good with words compared to Riku. But then again, he wasn’t so good with physical affection either, and the fact Riku had rejected him many times made him feel even worse about it. However, he knew that it was the right thing to do at the moment, so he let Riku cry, listened to him carefully and took this while to think back about their relationship as a whole. Overall, it was positive but Roxas had always had the feeling that he was missing out. He had learned so much about his boyfriend, yet he felt like he didn’t know anything at all. Riku had this awful habit of keeping every bad thing to himself, away from Roxas, thinking it was the best choice, and it was what tore them apart. 

Kairi had warned him before. It wouldn’t be easy with him. But it didn’t matter, he loved Riku.

“Do you remember our first date?” he asked as softly as he could when Riku’s sobs finally died down, his forehead now resting between his shoulder blades, the height difference even more obvious like this. 

“I didn’t know how to swim and you taught me. Remember how scared I was? It was so embarrassing...” He smiled sadly at the memory, closing his eyes. “But, in the end, I wasn’t scared anymore because you were there. I realized I couldn’t drown because you were holding my hands. I felt and still feel safe with you around. Now, I… I want you to feel that way, too. I want to go back to the beach to show you that things can and will be alright, just like before. The past doesn’t have to repeat itself.”

A sigh left Riku’s lips and Roxas could practically hear his thoughts. But what if things can’t be alright? The hug tightened. They stayed like this, both of them thinking about what Roxas said until Riku moved and turned to face him with puffy and red eyes. His gaze was different, it still held sadness but it was mixed with the relief of letting his feelings out and finally being understood.

“I’m sorry for everything I did to you, Roxas,” Riku murmured after a while. “I’m supposed to protect you and make you happy but instead, I...”

Roxas shook his head, cutting him off.

“I just need you to be honest with me. You tend to bottle up everything and then… Look at you,” he said, gently wiping at Riku’s wet cheek with his index. “But… It’s my fault, too. I didn’t get what you were doing nor what you were thinking about. And I made it all about me when… He’s still on your mind, right?”

Riku let out another sigh and looked down with a slow nod of his head which made Roxas want to hug him again. Instead, he slipped his hand under Riku’s and held it there, just enjoying this warmth, this link he had missed for so long. Riku’s fingers wrapped around his hand as well and, before Roxas could even realize it, he was already pulled against his chest with one arm, their second embrace of the day. But this time, Riku had initiated it and Roxas, after almost 3 years of constant doubt and lack of physical contact, was feeling like the first time they had shared a hug, like he had just fallen in love all over again. He hadn’t actually realized just how much he longed for this to happen until now and it made him hope that things would get better soon.

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you. But I’m realizing that I could have lost you. Not the same way that I lost Sora but, if you left me, it wouldn’t feel any different. Yet you never gave up on me no matter how bad I treated you, so I... I have to do something. I’m tired of living in fear.”

Roxas looked up expectantly. Riku sounded determined, unlike the times he agreed to go somewhere with him only to force him to go back home almost instantly. He leaned in closer, much closer than he had ever been, and Roxas felt the softness of his lips leave a kiss on his forehead, a thing he used to do a lot back when their situation was nicer. It had felt easy and natural at that time but now, Roxas knew it took much for Riku to be affectionate and he felt the sincerity in his words and actions.

“Let’s go to the beach.”


End file.
